The Path of the Ivy
by daughterleilani1
Summary: Low on supplies, the Command Team agree to follow The Path of the Ivy, a ritual on an alien world. Gift for PiOneOneZero in VAMB Secret Summer exchange 2016. Her request was something unusual forces J/C to confront their feelings pre endgame.


**The Path of the Ivy**

 **Daughter Leilani**

"Don't shoot the messenger," Chakotay laughed as he stepped through the threshold into Voyager's ready room. He tapped the PADD in against his palm as he stood in front of Janeway's desk.

"Good news, that's an order," Kathryn shot back.

"I will comply," he replied with a bow as he slid into the seat across her desk.

Her face broke into a wide smile at his gentle flirting. She lifted her coffee cup to her lips. He burst out laughing at her grimace when she swallowed the bitter liquid.

"Neelix's better than coffee substitute?"

"Yes," she grumbled. "With the replicators offline, and the Doctor's refusal to deliver my caffeine via IV, this was my only option."

"Is it really that bad?" he questioned as she frowned into the cup.

"I think my boots would taste better at this point," she huffed, pushing the cup away on the desk. "What's the good news?"

"A friendly planet, with minerals and ore to spare, and open arms," he replied, settling the padd on her outstretched hand.

"Nahiran Home World," Kathryn muttered, scrolling the data. "Are we in communications range yet?"

"Yes, I spoke to an assistant for Ambassador Lyeth. Apparently our timing is excellent. There is some kind of celebration happening right now in the capital of the northern continent. A Vitality Festival to bless the ruling families and the coming planting season. Our arrival here during this time is supposed to be a sign from their gods that they are to bestow upon us their good fortune."

She set the tablet down and leaned back in her chair. Closing her eyes, she thought of all the skirmishes they had been through lately. Voyager had encountered more hostile species in the last few weeks than they had in the previous year. Meeting a generous and welcoming race would be a godsend at this point.

Deuterium was low, the deflector had been badly damaged in the last attack by a race that hadn't even bothered to identify themselves before attacking, and they had been unable to use the replicators for the last five days. Neelix was coping by stretching their organic produce as far as he possibly could, but most of the crew's meals still subsisted of ration bars. Even his 'barely better than shoes' coffee substitute was only available to her once per day. A tap on her desk brought her attention back to the man in her office.

"Hey? You okay?" he asked with concern.

She lifted her hands to rub wearily across her face as she dragged her mind back to the current conversation. She nodded and leaned forward to listen when he took the PADD back across the desk.

"We should arrive in a couple of hours. The ambassador's office said we should prepare to participate in the ceremony as soon as we arrive. As the 'leaders' of our family, you and I are supposed to represent Voyager."

She smirked,thinking of her tactical officer's complaints about that arrangement. Tuvok was never pleased to have Janeway and Chakotay off the ship at the same time, and he usually objected when first contacts requested both of them. However, this time they couldn't afford to miss the opportunity. Supplies were too low and the belt was already as tight as it could be. Whether the Vulcan liked it or not, the command team would comply with just about anything at this point to ensure the survival of the ship. Of course spending time alone with her handsome first officer never put Janeway in low spirits either.

"Tuvok has already voiced his concerns about you and I being off the ship at the same time," he smiled.

"Get out of my head," she laughed, nudging his wrist on the desk. It was just like him to be aware of her thoughts and concerns. It was part of why they always worked so well together. Sometimes she thought he must be able to read her mind. She flushed slightly knowing there was more than a single thought buried in her mind she needed to keep to herself. Thankfully, he didn't notice her color, or chose not to comment on it.

"You know some things will never change with him. He's nearly as protective of you as I am."

Or maybe he did notice.

"Did they send you details on the ceremony?" she asked, standing from her desk to put some space between him and her errant thoughts. He rose with her and followed her to the viewport. She fought to keep her mind on task.

"They did. The universal translator does fine with their verbal language but the written form is giving the computer more trouble. It's still working on translating all the text. So far, I feel like we've gotten the main points. The most important one to keep in mind is to avoid 'offending the gods' at all costs. If a participant offends the gods during the Vitality Holiday, the punishment is exile," Chakotay said.

"Needless to say if we rock the boat, we won't be leaving with supplies," she laughed, thinking of all their faux pas in the past with first contact. "Keep Tom Paris on board the ship at all costs."

"Aye, aye, Captain. Probably best that you keep your hands off your hips as well. He's not the only one who has managed to offend someone on a first contact," he teased with his dimpled grin.

Their laughter echoed through the room as she swatted him on the arm. He stepped away from her and headed back toward the bridge door.

"Chakotay," her voice stopped him just before the sensors that would trigger the door. "Thanks for the laugh. I think we both needed it."

He nodded with a soft smile and she took a deep breath as she watched him step through the sliding doors. Errant thoughts indeed.

The command team materialized in the foyer of a great hall. Tall ceilings were draped with tapestries of muted colors. Gold tassels and beads dotted the fabric, lifting it to create pillows and pockets that disguised the true height of the massive room. A plump man in glittering purple robes noticed their arrival and bustled to their side. Small ridges graced his cheek bones, and a single vee shaped indention between his eyebrows. Without the small marks, he could have passed for human. Walking a pace behind him was a woman with long teal hair swept up into an elegant chignon that matched her green dress. Next to her strode a young man, the spitting image of the older man in a brown shirt and belted leggings. The plump man raised his arm toward Chakotay with his palm up.

"Greetings, I am Ambassador Lyeth," he announced, locking his hand around Chakotay's forearm. Chakotay closed his larger hand around the ambassadors arm, completing the handshake.

"Commander Chakotay," he replied. "And this is Captain Janeway."

Lyeth released Chakotay's hand and made the same gesture toward Janeway. She closed her fingers around his arm and was surprised when he pulled her close to place a kiss on each cheek.

"Captain, Commander, this is my partner Mora and our first child, Iazen."

Mora reached toward Chakotay and leaned forward to accept his chaste kisses on either cheek. Kathryn noticed him flush as the alien kissed him. Setting the thought aside, she refocused on the aliens. Mora turned toward Janeway, and she was pleased to note that the female to female greeting appeared to be the same as the male to male. She had no interest in kissing the alien. Iazen simply nodded to them both.

"Iazen will be participating in the Vitality Ceremony for the first time today as he has just come of age this morning. It is a fortuitous time for you to visit our world, Captain," Mora said as she gestured toward one of the many halls leading away from the foyer.

Mora pointed out several architectural designs and historical paintings in the hallway as they made their way away from the foyer. Chakotay glanced behind and noticed that they were leaving the ambassador and his son behind. He shrugged and followed the two women.

His thoughts strayed to the woman at his side. He hoped that he would get to greet Kathryn at some point in the evening the way he had greeted Mora just now. Stealing a kiss while participating in an alien ritual was always one of his more realistic fantasies. He had more than his fair share of unrealistic ones as well.

While they had been getting closer over the last several months, he had long ago accepted that she wasn't ready for anything more between them than friendship. It seemed to be a pattern with them. They would draw closer, spending most of their off duty time together, and nearly break the friendship barrier, only to have something drive a wedge between them. The Borg, the Hirogen, the Void. Over and over, his hopes would rise and fall like the tide. Knowing the risk he was taking with his heart, he still kept coming back again and again. She was like a drug, addicting in the extreme. Even just a taste of her affections was enough for him to forget why he had tried pulling away in the past. He chuckled and rested his palm against the small of her back as they walked. Some things would likely never change.

"Here we are, Captain," Mora finally said, stopping in front of a large wooden door. "Your cabin for the evening. Inside are the required robes for the ceremony and toiletries for the overnight."

Kathryn looked sharply up at Chakotay from her place at his side. He glanced at her momentarily before addressing Mora.

"We appreciate the hospitality, but we weren't aware this was an overnight excursion," he explained. Mora shook her head slightly.

"No concerns at all," she replied, opening the heavy door and leading them into the room. "Your ship will be notified. All will be provided for your comfort."

"Mora," Janeway said. "Our computer had difficulty translating the detailed information you sent regarding the ceremony. Several passages were unreadable, and Commander Chakotay was unable to reach anyone to provide more information. Perhaps you could go over in detail what is expected of us? We obviously missed a few things."

Chakotay had the grace to blush slightly at teasing tone. He had done all he could. All the alien dignitaries were involved in ceremonies surrounding the holiday each time he contacted an office on the planet requesting clarification. Assistants took his messages, promised callbacks, and no one ever returned his communications. He had tried for hours. He had reported his efforts, and Kathryn simply said they would 'wing it.' She didn't appear to be mad at the guest accommodations, just playfully annoyed. It was a good sign that she wasn't already demanding to go back to the ship. An evening away would do them both good, regardless of what it entailed.

"Of course, Captain. No concerns. The Vitality Ceremony is only completed by the ruling families and honored guests of the Nahiran government. It involves partaking of a rare berry to ensure the long life and happiness of the governing bodies. Following the celebration of the fruits, the couples follow the path of the ivy to completion. It glorifies the planting gods. It is one of the most revered times of our calendar," Mora's explanation was cut off by the arrival of several servants. "The servants will help you prepare for the ceremony. I must depart and prepare myself. See you shortly, Captain, Commander."

Four of the servants surrounded Kathryn and began to usher her into an adjacent bathroom. The remaining two handed Chakotay a pile of material. He opened it to reveal a white shirt with a tan belt and tan trousers, similar to what Iazen had worn. The two servants silently turned their backs to him and he realized that he was supposed to change. He quickly stripped off his uniform and stepped into the linens. The material was cool against his skin. The shirt, open at the neck, dipped down to show several inches of his chest, much more skin than he was used to showing. The tails of the alien shirt were much longer than what would normally fit him, so he clasped the belt over the extra material.

"You can turn back now," he said after finishing.

One servant moved toward his uniform and neatly folded the material before placing it on a shelf in the bedroom. The second servant adjusted the belt around his waist and straightened his collar. She motioned to him to sit on a chair in the living area. They never spoke to him, or to each other, which intrigued him. Were they telepathic? Or were they simply so well trained in their duties that speech was unnecessary? The two servants came back with a bowl of thick creamy liquid. One of them placed a paintbrush in the bowl and swirled the cream before lifting it to his forehead. He sat silently as the two servants painted his forehead, cheeks, and down his neck into the open shirt. As the fragrant lotion dried, he began to feel warmth spreading from the contact points on his skin throughout his body. It was a very pleasant sensation that settled as a hum just under his skin. The servants smiled and stepped back to wait at the bathroom door for their counterparts who were with Kathryn.

Chakotay stood, plucked his comm badge from the folded jacket in the bedroom, and slipped a tricorder into his pocket. He settled the badge on the chest of his linen shirt and rested his hands on the window sill in the living area The window overlooked the skyline. It was night in the capital city. The stars glittered in the window, dulled only by the light of the city below. Towers rose in the background like columns that held up the fabric of the night sky. He could see several buildings, homes, and ground cars flitting by on the streets below. Small figurines of people walked hand in hand down the sidewalks. The Nahirans seemed to be very touch oriented. All the people below him on the streets were in close contact. The ambassador himself had maintained physical contact with someone most of the brief time they spoke. And the lotion the aliens had painted on his skin seemed to have intensified his own perceptions of touch. His fingers felt unusually sensitive to the window ledge. He could see only a plain ledge without detail, but his fingers detected a distinct grain to the wooden frame and imperfections that he would have needed to examine very closely in order to see with his naked eye. Yet, simply resting the pads of his fingers on the woodwork, he could distinguish such detail.

A clearing throat caused him to turn away from the window. Kathryn had emerged from the bathroom. Her four servants joined the two waiting by the doorway. They all bowed before leaving the way they came, still silent. He lifted his eyes back to his captain standing silhouetted in the bathroom light. Her shoulder length hair had been twisted back in sections and pinned up, leaving a few single loose curls to touch her graceful neck. She wore a dress similar to Mora's in color, with green sheer overskirts covering a solid pencil skirt that ended at mid thigh. The top of the dress was made of straps that started at her waist and criss crossed over her chest. The straps wound around her neck and under her arms to knot at her left hip. The panels left two vee shaped sections of skin visible on each side of her waist, pointing to her navel. She had been painted with lotion as well, but hers appeared to be more elaborate than his own. A swath of pale green began at her hips and traveled up behind the panels of the dress, peeking out in the cuts, and wrapped up her neck to disappear into her hairline. Delicate purple swirls of ivy appeared at her collar bone, following the green paint into her hair.

"Kathryn, you look breathtaking. That dress… It looks like it was made for you," he stuttered.

She smiled and turned to show him the back of the dress, what little there was of it. The panels were noticeably thinner in the back and left only a few strips to cover the expanse of her creamy skin. The skirt dipped at her lower back, showing the barest curve of her hip. She was adequately covered, but the sensual dress would fuel his imagination for a long time. Completing her turn, she tossed him a gentle smirk.

"Getting painted was an interesting experience. Was there any reference to that in the instructions we received?" she asked.

He shook his head and reached for her hand.

"There was something in it about 'following the ivy path' but I honestly thought it was a bad translation. The paint is unique," Chakotay replied.

"Did you get painted?" she asked with an arched brow. He shrugged and tucked her hand into his elbow.

"Just some plain lotion, no colors or designs. Apparently that's a ladies only luxury."

She laughed and lifted her other hand to pin her comm badge to her own chest. He took a steadying breath to calm his heartbeat. Her fingers on his elbow seemed to be burning through the thin material of his shirt. Apparently the paint hadn't affected her in the same way. Or if it did, she was very good at hiding it. He jerked his head up to her face when he realized she was speaking again and asked her to repeat herself.

"I said, did you pack a tricorder? I want to make sure this 'rare berry' doesn't kill us."

"Of course," he said as he patted his pocket.

A sharp rap on the door was the only warning before Ambassador Lyeth entered their room. His clothing was the same as before, but he now sported paint like Kathryn. Lyeth lifted his arm in greeting and pulled Kathryn toward him for the kiss on the cheek as he had before. Jealousy burned through Chakotay, stronger than it ever had been before. Chakotay had to consciously tamp down his desire to hit the Ambassador for touching her.

"Greetings, Captain, Commander. You look perfect! Mora and Iazen are waiting for us at the entrance to the great hall. Come!" he commanded, leading them farther down the hallway away from their door.

Chakotay felt a possessiveness settle over him as he gripped Kathryn's hand again and hooked it through his arm. He studied her out of the corner of his eye. He had noticed her sharp intake of breath when he touched her the second time. Maybe she was feeling the effects of the paint after all. Perhaps it took longer for her paint to absorb into her skin due to the pigment. Her face was flushed and she was carefully avoiding his gaze, staring intently at Ambassador Lyeth's back.

Lyeth was prattling on about the ceremony and Chakotay realized he should probably be listening. The Ambassador was talking about some kind of burning of the rare berry.

"If this berry is so rare, Ambassador, why would you burn it?" he finally asked, pulling his eyes back from Kathryn's flushed skin.

"We burn the leavings from the previous year's production of the berry, releasing its essence back into the world to encourage new growth," he explained.

"I understand. We did something similar on my world with a crop called corn. We would preserve the stalks and burn them in the spring to show the spirits we were grateful for their bounty," Chakotay replied.

The ambassador puffed his chest and smiled in appreciation. Entering the hall, he watched Mora wrap her arms around her husband. Iazen stood nearby with a young woman on his arm. Chakotay noticed that the young man seemed to be only one in sight that didn't have the green and purple lines on his neck, the only one who currently matched Chakotay.

"Iazen?" he questioned. "I noticed that you don't have the purple ivy on your skin like your father does. You and I seem to be the only ones without it. Why is that?"

The young man's face flushed and he gripped his lady tighter on his arm.

"I am old to be participating in the joining for the first time. I am grateful for your attendance, Commander. It makes this experience less awkward," the young alien replied.

Chakotay was confused. This was supposed to be a blessing of the gods for the harvest, wasn't it? He glanced down at Kathryn to see what her thoughts were, but she was engaged in conversation with Mora and didn't seem to have heard Iazen's words. Before he could question further, the ambassador called the beginning of the ceremony and all the couples began to move inside an inner hall.

He looked around in astonishment. Each room they entered on the Nahiran homeworld appeared more lushly decorated than the last. They were led to a round room, with tufted fabric on the walls. Sections of the round room were partitioned off with opaque walls and large piles of pillows filled the floor of each section. Lyeth gestured toward one of the cubicles and ushered Voyager's command team inside. They sat on the pillows next to a low table and watched Lyeth bustle off to the partition directly across from them. Mora touched Kathryn's shoulder and whispered to them before joining her husband.

"Just watch us and mimic our actions, Captain. Iazen will be participating today for the first time as well. He is in the partition next to you. He will be mimicking us as well. We will remain within your sight line for the duration of the event."

A loud gong sounded and the ceremony began.

Kathryn was very aware of the man sitting next to her in the event hall. Something the alien servants had done to her seemed to have heightened her awareness of people and objects around her. It was almost as if she could see his pulse through his skin. She tried to covertly study him as servants in the hall moved to each cubicle and lit a hanging lantern of incense. When the aid lit the one in their partition, Chakotay glanced over and caught her staring at him. He flushed slightly and turned back toward the cleric speaking in the center of the round room.

She couldn't concentrate on what was happening so far away when she was consumed with her first officer so close to her in the small space. The shirt the Nahirans had dressed him in showed a delicious amount of skin on his chest, smooth and hairless. He didn't have a tan line either; he was golden all over. Her eyes drifted down to the tan trousers, pulled taut over his muscled legs. She watched his hand slide carefully over his thigh in the tight pants to retrieve the tricorder and hide it under the table.

"Hiding it works better if you aren't staring, Kathryn," he whispered.

Her eyes snapped up to his smirking face. She glanced away quickly, her face flushed a deep crimson as she felt his amusement wash over her. She knew she had been staring, but not at the tricorder. She wondered if he realized that. She slowly slid her eyes back toward his face as he studied the readings on the tricorder.

"It's an incense made of a flowering plant. Not harmful, but it could have a narcotic effect," he reported, slipping the closed tricorder under his knee as he adjusted his cross legged stance.

"You need to be closer to me," Kathryn whispered. "Look at the ambassador and his wife. They are nearly shoulder to shoulder."

She watched him study the couple. Lyeth had his arm loosely draped around Mora and several other couples were tightly pressed together. From what she could see, she and Chakotay were the only ones with space between their bodies. She shifted slightly as he scooted closer to her, pressing against her, shoulder to thigh. They both hissed a breath at the contact. She locked eyes with him in the small booth. His pupils were dilated slightly and his breathing had increased. Was that flush of arousal hers or his? She wasn't sure, but she could sense that not all of the feelings she was experiencing were coming from herself. Something very unusual was happening here.

"Are you okay?" she asked. He visibly swallowed and glanced away for a moment to catch his breath. Perhaps he was feeling it too.

"Yes, I'm fine."

The servants were passing around again, this time distributing a tall curved bottle of liquid. She watched as the ambassador's table was served first. Lyeth lifted the bottle to his wife's lips, and she sipped at the liquid. His other hand wrapped around her shoulder. Mora then took the bottle from his hand and repeated the gesture, serving Lyeth. A servant settled a bottle in front of the command team on their low table. Chakotay reached for it and surreptitiously scanned it with his his tricorder.

"Alcohol made with the same plant as the incense. I'd say this is the rare berry wouldn't you?"

She nodded and watched him as he uncorked the bottle. He lifted his right hand to her neck and gently wrapped his fingers around where it met her shoulder to steady her as he tipped their bottle to her mouth. His fingers burned her skin where they made contact. The wine was cool and sweet. She tried to ignore the warmth spreading from his hand on her neck, down throughout her body. Kathryn noticed his breath hitch as she sipped at the liquid. She drank her half of the berry wine and took the bottle from him as he dropped his hands to his side.

Her fingers caressed his cheek on their way to his neck to hold him as he had her. She watched his eyes darken with the contact. Each place their skin touched felt electric. She tilted the bottle and he drank greedily of the sweet wine. She could feel his racing pulse under her hand. As she drew the now empty bottle back from him, he darted his tongue out to lick his lips of the wine and arousal shot through her. His breathing sped up again. Had he felt that? She knew she was feeling some of his emotions, so he must be reacting to hers as well. What the hell was happening? She drew back and deposited the empty bottle on the table. She began to recite warp equations in her head to calm her response to him. It usually worked, but not tonight. Her mind seemed to be growing hazy and her thoughts focusing more on pleasure than resisting the ever present pull of her handsome first officer.

Chakotay's touch on her neck startled her out of her recitation. His fingers toyed with a curl at her collar bone. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to form words in the haze.

"What… what are you doing?" she finally forced out.

"Touching you," he replied, nodding toward their hosts.

She turned her head to look at Lyeth and Mora. Mora appeared to be whispering in Lyeth's ear as he caressed her neck. Chakotay's fingers moved from the curl to the spot just below her ear, and he brushed his knuckles across it. Unconsciously, she tipped her head to the side to give him better access as her eyes slid shut.

"Should I be telling you my secrets?" she sighed as his palm touched her neck, his thumb rubbing gently back and forth just under her cheek bone. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers, his breath fanning across her face and closed eyelids.

"You can tell me anything you want," Chakotay replied. His other hand rose to her shoulder, and he ran the back of his hand down her arm and linked his fingers with hers.

She finally managed to open her eyes to meet his. His pupils were nearly black and his lips were so very close to hers. She turned more fully toward him and slid her other hand forward to run up his thigh. The heat between them sizzled. She smiled as he groaned softly and his eyes closed. His grip nearly crushed her hand. Questions of why and how evaporated, leaving only curiosity and desire. Just how much sensation could they share? A small clattering sound drew them back from the edge, and they jumped apart.

A servant had taken their bottle and deposited an open clam shell on their table. Inside the shell appeared to be a thin jam or paint. She quickly glanced up at him and cursed herself for getting too close. He was just mimicking what the ambassador was doing with his wife. She had no right to touch him without his permission. Oh hell, who was she kidding. She knew that she always had his permission; it was her refusal to acknowledge it that was causing the problem. The desire emanating from him was intoxicating as it blended with her own.

They watched in silence as the ambassador lifted his clam shell toward his wife. He dipped a finger in the substance and began to paint Mora's exposed skin. Kathryn drew a sharp breath and cut her eyes back toward Chakotay. She didn't know if she could maintain the emotional distance she was working so hard for while he painted her body. She was losing control as it was. Continuing to observe their hosts, she felt her skin flush when Lyeth began to lick the berry paint from Mora's exposed skin. She looked fearfully at Chakotay. He reached over and clasped her hand again.

"Kathryn, do you trust me?"

His gaze burned into her. She nodded slightly.

"Of course I do," she whispered.

"I think stopping now would probably offend the gods. We can, if that's what you really want. We can walk away from the supplies right now. But I know we can do this. I promise you are safe with me."

She took a deep, shaky breath. It wasn't him she was afraid of. It was herself. Her concerns and fears were fading quickly into the far reaches of her mind. Desire was forcing it's way past all of her barriers..

"I know I am. I've always been safe with you. But something, maybe a combination of things, is affecting me. I think it's affecting you too. I'm… having trouble… keeping my distance tonight," she admitted.

He nodded and lifted his free hand to cup her head. His thumb rubbed against the purple lines leading into her hair, but surprisingly, they didn't smudge.

"It is affecting me. But I've had a lot of practice at this. You have been a distraction for me for years. Trust me, Kathryn. I can control it, if you can trust me."

She closed her eyes briefly, centering herself and calming her breathing once more. She nodded and opened her eyes to focus on his face. He dipped a single finger into the berry jam and began to draw a line on the hand he still clasped. His fingers continued to add jam and connect the trail up to her shoulder. He drew circles over her collar bones and she slammed her eyes shut as she began to pant.

 _Think of something else…._

 _Warp mechanics… Antimatter containment is achieved through magnetic fields which guide the antimatter to the injector assembly. Deuterium is injected from the opposite side… Oh god, his tongue..._

Chakotay began to lick the jam from her fingertips as Lyeth had done. She tried desperately to focus on anything but the feeling of his mouth on her body. He drew his lips along the berry trail up her shoulder and across her chest. She gripped the pillow beneath her tightly with her free hand to stop herself from reaching for him. His tongue cleared a line of jam from her chin to her cheek and she felt herself shaking with need. Finally his cheek scratched lightly against hers as he held her close.

"It's over, Kathryn. It's over," he panted in her ear.

She opened her eyes once more and glanced over his shoulder toward Ambassador Lyeth and Mora. Mora kissed her husband passionately. Kathryn desperately tried to remember why this was a bad idea, but all she could think of was mimicking the action. She pushed gently on Chakotay's shoulders and he pulled away slightly.

She leaned over to the clam shell and dipped her finger inside. Glancing back at him, she noticed his breath hitch and his lips part slightly. She lifted the jam and dabbed a little onto his lower lip. His eyes locked on hers in question. She smiled and lifted her free hand to wrap around his neck, slowly drawing him to her for a kiss. The kiss was tentative at first, but when she darted her tongue out to clean the jam from his lower lip, he groaned into her mouth. She teased him for a few seconds before allowing him to plunder her own mouth. Pulling back, she lifted the finger, still coated in the sticky berry to the side of his neck. She leaned forward and ran her tongue from his tattoo, across his cheek, and down his neck following the line of the sweet jam. His arms tightened around her and his panting increased.

"Kath… Kathryn…." he moaned.

"The berries taste good… so do you...," she whispered against his skin, licking just below his ear and eliciting another small moan.

"We are… supposed to be… keeping our distance…. Captain," he panted, pushing on her shoulders.

She pulled back and laughed a little.

"I doubt it. The point of this exercise seems to be pleasure," she replied as she stood.

Kathryn glanced at the green swath of paint that had appeared on Chakotay's neck after she kissed him. The timing of the appearance of the color hadn't escaped her attention. His skin was obviously reacting with hers. And all she could think about was completing the process. Her entire body felt like it was made of fire, burning for him.

A touch on her shoulder interrupted the moment. Mora stood next to their booth with her husband's hand in hers.

"Captain, the ceremony has concluded. May I suggest we retire to our cabins and enjoy the rest of the evening?"

Kathryn nodded swiftly and reached for Chakotay's hand to haul him to his feet. They followed the aliens out of the great hall toward the dormitory wing. Chakotay was probably grateful for the extra material of his shirt covering his hips if he was feeling at all like she was. The material of her dress chafed uncomfortably and she was feeling a delightful buzz just under her skin. Arriving at their door, Mora and Lyeth simply nodded to them and moved on down the hallway. Kathryn opened the door and pulled Chakotay inside.

Chakotay closed the door behind them as they entered their accommodations for the evening. Moving to the opposite side of the room, he tried to keep as much distance between himself and Kathryn as he could. He stood in front of the window, again noting his reflection in the glass. Along his neck and cheek, a green swath had appeared where the alien servants had painted his skin earlier in the evening. Taking a shaking breath, he willed his body to calm down.

"I think I understand the path of the ivy now, Chakotay," she whispered, standing beside him and looking out the window. "It's obviously some kind of guide for a romantic evening."

He snorted slightly.

"It's more than that. Given how my skin is responding to yours, I'd say the ambassador is expecting ivy lines on my neck by morning."

He flinched as her hand reached over to brush his on the window ledge. He couldn't miss the hurt look in her eyes in the reflection as he pulled away from her.

"Kathryn, I'm sorry," he whispered, moving farther away down the ledge. "But this entire experience has affected us both. You have no idea how badly I want you right now. But I know that is not what you want, and this Vitality Ceremony is affecting our minds. So I am trying… desperately… to be the man you need me to be right now and keep my distance. I don't want to force you to do what you don't want to do. But you can't touch me right now. I think one of us should go back to the ship."

He had backed himself into the corner of the room as he talked. She stepped closer to him, and he realized she had cut off his escape routes. Reaching out, she cupped her palm around his cheek. His breath caught and he pushed his face into her hand, wringing his hands together to keep from touching her.

"Chakotay… I know you would never hurt me. And I know you would never force me. I trust you, Chakotay. And no alien influence, drug, or alcohol is keeping me here right now. I'm here because I want to be."

His breathing became ragged. She pulled her palm from his cheek and he physically ached from the loss of contact. Her small hands pulled his locked fingers apart and settled them on either side of her slim hips. Her fingers slid up his arms and locked around his neck. Pulling her tightly against him, he knew she could feel how needy he was for her against her soft stomach. He rubbed his thumbs absently across the skin exposed by the vee cuts in her dress.

"I'm running out of ways to remember you've said no, Kathryn," he panted, pressing his forehead to hers in the dark cabin.

"I'm saying yes," she whispered, touching their lips together softly.

He was lost in the moment and crushed her mouth to his. Hands slid swiftly over feverish bodies. A touch on his cheek. A caress on her neck. Who was touching and being touched, they didn't know. They were running full speed toward the cliff of their desire. They sank together to the floor of the cabin. Chakotay dragged his lips over her eyelids and cheeks before suckling her neck. His fingers reached for the ties of her dress. She mumbled his name as she pushed lightly on his shoulders. He groaned in frustration as he pulled away from her.

"I'm still saying yes, Chakotay," Kathryn assured him. "But I don't want rug burns from this carpet."

She pulled herself to her feet and reached a hand toward him. He took it tightly in his and rose to stand beside her. He stared in wonder as she tugged him toward the cabin's bedroom. Her other hand was loosening the knot at her hips as she walked backward toward the doorway. The knot came free and she shook the straps off of her upper body, baring herself to him from the waist up. He kicked the bedroom door shut behind them.

Morning daylight streamed into the bedroom from the window over their heads. The room glowed with the warm sunrise. Kathryn glanced beside her at her lover sleeping on his back and softly snoring. His musings the night before had proven correct. She carefully eyed the pale purple lines swirling on his skin from his broad chest up to his hairline; ivy that matched hers. Shifting slightly on her side, she studied his face in detail. The dark indigo lines of his tattoo were unwrinkled in sleep. She shivered slightly as she recalled tracing them with her tongue more than once the night before.

Something in the festivities the day before had radically lowered her emotional defenses, and she had willingly thrown all of her justifications out the airlock. She recalled all the words she had said, and everything she had done, but it was almost hazy. Kathryn didn't regret what she had done, but she wasn't sure she could continue the relationship on board the ship. While the night before, she had been free of her restraints and her captaincy had felt so far away, in the morning light all her fears crashed back upon her.

She shifted the sheet higher over her bare breasts. Chakotay wouldn't want a 'friendly fire' kind of relationship. She knew that much. Chakotay had never been one to take a lover for a physical release only. He guarded his bed as fiercely as he guarded his heart and she knew moving forward he would want all of her. The few times he had taken a lover for pleasure only had been disastrous, just like hers. Loving him from afar wasn't enough. Moving forward, he would be expecting a forever kind of relationship. That was only logical to assume, given what she had said the night before. The echoes of her fears sounded louder in her ears reminding her of all the reasons this was a bad idea.

Chakotay stirred and turned over facing her, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He smiled gently and reached out to brush a curl behind her ear. His expression was tender as he reveled in waking up with her. She hated to crush the moment, but she had to speak her thoughts.

"Good morning," he said.

"Good morning."

"So," he laughed pressing up onto his elbow. "Do I have purple lines on my neck?"

She couldn't help but smile and nod affirmative.

"Last night was wonderful," his voice was full of love. "Do you think the ivy will come off? I wasn't really looking for another tattoo right now."

"I certainly hope so. I wasn't looking for anything permanent on this away mission," Kathryn replied, trying to sound light.

The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted them. His face fell and she watched a sheen of tears gather in his eyes as he rolled to his back again, staring at the ceiling. That certainly wasn't how she was planning to discuss this with him. She berated herself for her lack of couth and was nearly overwhelmed at the grief she could feel from him.

"Chakotay, I…"

Her words were cut off by a sharp knock at their cabin door. She watched Chakotay sigh and sit up. He moved quickly off the bed to grab his uniform pants from the shelves beside them. He kept his back to her as he slipped the trousers on and grabbed his tank on the way to the living area. She scrambled out of the bed and searched around for something to put on. Her dress from last night was far too complicated to lace up alone and her uniform wasn't right for this conversation either. She didn't want to talk to him as his captain right now. Searching for anything else, her eyes settled on his oversize shirt from the ceremony the night before. Slipping it over her head, she held the front panel closed and followed the sound of voices to the living area.

"What exactly happened last night, Iazen?" Chakotay was asking at the doorway.

She slid up next to the opening so she could hear, but Iazen couldn't see her. Chakotay glanced her way only once, before focusing entirely on the alien.

"The paint, berries, and the lunar alignment all join during the Vitality Festival to increase the pleasure of the joining and enhances the mental and emotional responses. That's why it is so celebrated. But without all three, the bliss is not achieved. The berries are rare and shared only on this special occasion with dignitaries and honored guests such as yourself to glorify the gods for the coming harvest. It is my hope that you enjoyed your joining as much as I did last night, Commander."

She couldn't see Iazen, but even if she could, she wouldn't be able to look away from Chakotay's face. Hidden beneath the same command facade she often used, his heart was breaking. She could physically feel it as if she herself had driven a stake through her own chest. The pain glittering behind his dark eyes stole her breath.

"Well, anyway Commander," Iazen continued after Chakotay said nothing. "Here are the finalized trade proposals. My father asked that they be passed on to Captain Janeway for her authorization. My mother also requests your presence at a breakfast in the secondary hall. It is just to the left of the ceremonial hall from last night. Can you find the room?"

Chakotay nodded curtly once taking the proffered PADD from Iazen's hand.

"Have a pleasant morning, Commander. Mora will be expecting you within the hour." Iazen tugged the door closed as he retreated from the silent commander.

She watched Chakotay's hand linger on the closed door for several seconds as he steadied himself against his pain. She reached a hand out to him, but he flinched under her touch as he had the night before.

"Please don't touch me right now, Captain," he whispered as his entire body shook.

She drew her hand quickly back to her side. She watched him stalk angrily away from the door toward the window, tossing aside the PADD and raking his hands through his disheveled hair. She wasn't sure how angry he was, so she kept her distance, waiting for him to make the first move in the discussion that could rip their friendship apart. He had already called her "captain," instead of her name, something she had tried to avoid when she chose not to put on her uniform. The emotion rolling off of him was enough to create a nearly physical barrier between them.

"Chakotay…."

He just stared out the window.

"Last night was the best night of my life, Kathryn."

Improvement. He had used her name instead of her rank. She took a tentative step toward him.

"Mine, too," she whispered back.

"But it wasn't real!" he roared. "These aliens manipulated us. They subjected us to mind altering chemicals and sent us off together like dogs in heat. And… Gods… I told you that you could trust me. You decided to keep going because I promised I could control it. I practically raped you!"

He slammed his hands down on the window ledge. She jumped at the force and for the first time noticed tears sliding quickly down his cheeks as he shook, partly in rage, and partly holding in sobs.

"No, Chakotay. There were two willing participants in here. I never said no," she replied, emphatically.

"That's just it," he sighed, leaning his forehead against the glass window pane, anger fading to despair. "You didn't have the ability to say no. Mind altering drugs or alcohol take away your ability to consent. I know that."

She moved quickly to stand between him and the glass.

"No. That might be true if I wasn't in control or if I was so impaired I wouldn't remember what happened. But I do. I remember it all! Every beautiful moment of it! I wanted it, Chakotay. I wanted you. The berries may have made it easier for me to push aside my fears and let it happen, but this was never something forced on me."

He locked eyes with her once more and she nearly cried out at the tear tracks marking his cheeks and the depth of fear drowning him.

"What does that mean for us, Kathryn?"

The spark of hope in his eyes flared and she felt ill knowing her next phrase would likely kill that as well.

"We are best friends, Chakotay. And this night was a special gift, to both of us. But I don't think we can continue on the ship," she croaked out, hot tears of her own finally falling from her lashes.

She watched his heart break all over again as his eyes slid shut and his entire body shuddered. He crossed his arms across his chest and walked slowly toward the bedroom. She followed at a distance and watched him survey their bed. She leaned her open palm against the doorframe as he pulled his turtleneck and jacket from the shelves and transformed himself back into her faithful first officer. He patted his hair into a more presentable fashion and reached for his socks and boots

"Where are you going?" she asked softly.

"Back to the ship," he replied tugging on the shoes.

"But, breakfast?"

"Kathryn, I can't stay here with you this morning. Not after this," he replied gesturing to the bed. "I need some space away from you. I need to go on a vision quest. I need to box. Hell, I just need to do something to make this decision you've made okay. I need time and space to come to terms with this."

He moved swiftly to stand right in front of her and she had to crane her neck to see his face.

"Kathryn, this evening may have been a gift, but for me, it's both heaven and hell. I got something I've always wanted, but now I have to learn to live without it. It's going to be like learning to live without air. But I'll do it. Because I love you."

He plucked the comm badge off the shirt she wore and affixed it to his own chest. He turned toward the living room and made it three paces before walking directly back to her side. She gasped as he wrapped both arms tightly around her and crushed her body to his for a final kiss. It was long and deep. He traced her lips lightly with his tongue before darting it inside her mouth for soft touches of hers. As their tongues met for a final dueling moment, she sighed, and he pulled away. He didn't look back as he called the ship for a single beam out. He never saw her sink to her knees with her head in her hands and tears on her cheeks as the despair surrounded her, both his and hers.

"Captain, do you not enjoy the fruit and toast this morning?"

Mora's voice cut through the quiet in the room. Kathryn looked up from where she was pushing a piece of something resembling an apple around her plate. Her uniform felt tight, restrictive, even stifling this morning. It forced her to become Captain Janeway. And Captain Janeway didn't approve of having slept with her first officer last night. She sighed and lowered her fork to the plate.

"Of course, Mora. It's delicious. I just don't usually eat such a large breakfast. Normally it's just coffee," she replied.

"It is a shame Commander Chakotay couldn't join us this morning," Mora offered, trying to catch Janeway's eye. "I certainly hope he is feeling better by now."

Kathryn hummed a response and focused on sipping her water. The lie had slid easily from her tongue when Mora had asked where Chakotay was. She couldn't admit the truth. She had pushed him away again and he couldn't stand to be in the same room with her anymore. This was exactly why she had avoided getting too close. She knew once they crossed the barrier beyond friendship, their lives would be drastically changed, for better or worse. So far it was worse, much worse.

"I'm sure he is. Our doctor is an excellent physician," Kathryn replied, trying to smile warmly.

"Kathryn," Mora whispered softly, startling Janeway at the use of her name. "Can your doctor cure a broken heart?"

Kathryn blinked several times at the alien woman sitting across from her at the table.

"Iazen spoke to me this morning after delivering our trade proposals to your cabin. He mentioned Chakotay's distress. And now, after the joining, he is suddenly ill and had to return to your ship. Would you like to discuss it?"

Kathryn looked down at her lap. How ironic. The very alien responsible for this mess was asking her if she wanted to talk about her problems. She toyed with the idea of yelling at the woman for subjecting them to this ceremony and ruining all that she had worked for. But that wasn't fair. It wasn't Mora's fault that the computer had been unable to translate the entirety of the instructions for the ceremony. She couldn't believe the Nahirans had purposefully tried to hurt them. She sighed deeply.

"I've hurt Chakotay, and he decided to return to the ship. This experience is not one we would have consented to if we had understood the entire process," she explained.

The alien nodded and sipped her own beverage quietly, allowing Janeway to gather her thoughts.

"Chakotay and I aren't a couple. Not like you and Lyeth are. We are partners in work. And friends of course. We weren't intimate, at least not until last night," Kathryn whispered.

"I do apologize if the Vitality Festival has caused you pain, Captain. It is unfortunate that you were not clear on what you agreed to participate in. However, to say that you are not a couple is not a good representation of your relationship with him, especially now. All can see the love that flows between you. It is deep, strong, and mutually shared. The fact that you are not a bonded pair is a great injustice," Mora stated.

"Injustice? It's more than that. I don't expect you to understand since you aren't part of our culture, but it's not possible for me to bond with Chakotay."

Mora tilted her head and her expression hardened slightly.

"Not possible? Why? Are there rules strictly prohibiting the union? Is this Federation of yours so cruel that it would deny a captain any form of happiness in such a lonely position?"

"No, the Federation doesn't prohibit it. It's more like… I prohibit it. Knowing that I could have a future with him one day drives me to get home. I owe it to my crew to stay as focused on that goal as I can."

Mora set down her cup and laced her hands in front of her. She caught Kathryn's eye and held her gaze for several charged seconds.

"Tell me, Captain Janeway, how did Voyager get stranded so far from home?"

Kathryn set down her own cup and leaned forward, her elbows on the table.

"We were following another ship, Chakotay's ship. While we were searching for it, an alien called the Caretaker swept our ships to the Delta Quadrant with an energy wave. We could have used the same technology to get home, but it would have left a door open for an alien race to destroy a peaceful race called the Ocampa. So I decided to destroy the technology to preserve the Ocampa, leaving Voyager stranded."

Mora mulled that over for several seconds before responding.

"And now you feel that you owe your crew a debt because you made a unilateral decision affecting all of them. Because you destroyed the technology, you blame yourself for the ship being stranded, and in turn, think you must put your own happiness on hold," the alien replied.

Kathryn sat silently, astonished to hear her own fears voiced by an alien stranger.

"Let me ask you another question, Captain Janeway. Do you blame your pilot for the energy wave overtaking the ship? Could he have done a better job maneuvering your vessel away from the disturbance, preventing your journey from the start? What of Commander Chakotay? You could blame him for eluding you in the first instance. If he was not missing, you would not have been chasing him."

Kathryn shook her head emphatically. Blame Stadi for her piloting? Never. Chakotay? No, he was doing what he felt was right to protect what was left of his people. She had never blamed him for joining the Maquis.

"You would not blame them, Captain," Mora continued, "but you blame yourself. What would you say to a member of your crew who blamed the pilot for being stranded? Would you allow them to live that way? Or the pilot? Would you allow him to blame himself for stranding you from your families?"

"Of course not," Janeway replied. "But it's different."

"It is no different. Your thinking is flawed. You have lain with Chakotay. You know the feel of his body and the bliss of the joining. Does your desire to see your home planet dwindle? Nothing has changed from yesterday except your perceptions of yourself."

Kathryn snapped her mouth shut. Mora was right. She had given in to temptation but she was still the captain. The ship hadn't exploded. She was certain it was no secret that the command team had spent the night alone together on the planet. And a simple sweep of the sensors would have confirmed they were in the same room. Tuvok likely had kept close tabs on them given his dissatisfaction with both of them off the ship at the same time. And that didn't bother her. It should have, but it didn't. Her reasons for denying herself companionship withered and died in this new bright light. Chakotay had lovingly stayed by her side, offering everything to her. She only took the barest crumbs, crushing his affections again and again. Why? Because she felt like she didn't deserve to be happy. A new idea filled her mind. Perhaps she didn't have as much to feel guilty for as she had always thought. Her crew was alive and well, having traveled more than half of their journey in five years instead of thirty. If she managed that, guilt ridden and alone, imagine what she could do with Chakotay by her side and a positive outlook. Could she really balance her captaincy and a relationship? Feelings of hope beat back her fears. An overwhelming emotion took hold in the foreground of her thoughts.

"I love him," she whispered to Mora.

"Did you love him yesterday, Kathryn?"

She nodded. A simple question deserved a simple answer. She had loved him for years.

"That too has not changed. Your love for him was acceptable yesterday. So it is today as well."

Maybe Mora was right. Maybe it was possible to have it all. She had been alone with her own thoughts on the matter for so long, thinking herself in circles. Hearing another perspective was refreshing. Some of her arguments sounded so foolish spoken aloud.

If this were a member of her crew thinking this way, Mora was right, she would put a stop to it. The only one at fault for stranding them was the Caretaker. And as galling as the decision had been, if she was faced with saving the Ocampa once more, she would do it again. It was the right thing to do. The entire senior staff agreed with her on it. They had demonstrated their care after the void, when Chakotay had practically mutinied on her. Each and every senior member had come to her separately and told her they would have made the same choice.

"Thank you, Mora," Janeway replied. "You've given me a lot to think about."

Mora stood and gestured for Janeway to follow her into the gardens adjacent to the breakfast hall. Large bushes of purple flowers stretched toward the warm sun. Nahiran butterflies moved from flower to flower on the fragrant bushes, spreading their pollen. They walked along a curved path leading through the bushes and along several raised beds and fountains.

"The Path of The Ivy is a revealing of self, especially for those experiencing it for the first time. First time participants are usually bonded partners prior to participating. But, occasionally, non mated partners partake," Mora said.

"The couples are usually married? That explains a lot."

"You have missed my point, Captain. This is not designed to be undertaken by someone with secrets. You can sense… even feel… the other partner in the ritual for several hours afterward."

Closing her eyes and listening to the water trickling behind them, she realized that yes, she could feel Chakotay even though he was on the ship. She could feel his heartbreak and sorrow as she concentrated on him and tuned out her own thoughts.

"I can feel that he's upset," Kathryn replied, opening her eyes toward Mora. "Can he feel me too?"

"Yes," the alien replied. "He will know you are struggling with the repercussions. The bond has peaked in the overnight as the planets completed their lunar alignment. Toward midday, the bond will break. But for a few more hours, you will be aware of each other."

"We call this empathic," Janeway stated.

"Empathy is the sharing of feelings or emotions. The ivy bond is stronger than that. Under concentrated effort, you can share words and thought, sound and feeling."

Kathryn touched her neck absently where the ivy snaked out above her turtleneck and into her hair. Most of the color was hidden by her clothing and coiffure, but she knew it was still there even without a mirror. Together they sat on a bench that was shaded by a large overhead tree. She dragged her fingers through the flowing water of the fountain beside them trying to come to grips with her own rolling emotions. Or were they his she was feeling? Or a combination of both?

"Can you feel his essence, Kathryn? His heart?"

Kathryn focused her mind on reaching out toward him. She could almost hear the smacking of his gloves against the boxing bag. She could feel his sweat on his skin and the stifling heat of the gym. She knew he was tiring as he tried to beat his memories of her body out of him and into the heavy bag.

"He's on the holodeck. He's working in his boxing program. I can feel the burn of his muscles as he works. He's trying to forget me," she whispered.

"Do you want that?"

"No," she replied instantly. "I don't. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't imagine forgetting our night together either."

"You must choose a path, Kathryn. There can be no indecision. Either you move forward or you go back. Is your memory of the one night enough for you? Is it for him? If he perished tomorrow, could that be enough to sustain you?"

Her mind tumbled over Mora's words and settled on a grim image, Chakotay's death. If he died, could she be satisfied that they had one night? Yes, if that was all that was possible. But would she regret all the wasted time before the joining, absolutely. What if he died in a month? A year? Could she live with herself knowing she had caused him pain instead of joy in that time?

"No," Kathryn said firmly, and the decision was made. "No, it's not enough. He deserves all of me."

"And you deserve all of him. Tell him so. Show him. Do not hide your love. Let it drift up from you toward the heavens and your vessel in orbit."

She focused her mind on his alone. She tried to feel the pressure of his gloves as they pounded into the bag. She could feel the swings slowing down. She focused on drawing his attention to her. She felt the motions of his fists stopping and his body sliding to his knees on the mat. Hot tears ran down cheeks, she wasn't sure if they were hers or his, or both. She called to him in her mind, remembering the swell of love she had felt while studying him that morning in his sleep. She revealed her anguish as she watched him transport away from her after that final kiss. Finally, she focused on sending words. She felt the moment that he stopped fighting her and his mind connected fully with hers. The connection made the words easy to convey.

 _I Love You._

Kathryn could feel his sob as he collapsed on the mat. She concentrated on sending the words over and over. His sobs wracked her body as well, no longer in anguish, but in sweet relief. She knew he could feel the depth of her feeling just as she could feel his, flowing through his body as he cried alone on the holodeck. A touch on her cheek broke her concentration and brought her back to the bench in the gardens with Mora. The alien woman had brushed tears away as they fell from her eyes.

"Mora, I don't understand all this. How is it possible?" she asked quietly, composing herself and swiping the remaining moisture from her cheeks with her jacket sleeve. Mora smiled gently in return.

"There is a medical and scientific explanation. The goja berry that we use for the incense, paint, and wine enter the body and blend together to alter the senses. Breath, skin, and stomach combine to produce a chemical effect. It creates a temporary link among those who share it. The gravity of this sphere and the lunar alignment of the moon above us contribute to the conditions required to perfect the effect. The chemical change lasts only a short time, but it connects the partners in a way that is incredible," Mora sighed.

"Will the effect continue while my ship is in orbit?" Kathryn asked, suddenly sitting up straighter.

"Yes, but it won't be as strong and the link may break sooner. Why?"

"I have to go to him," she replied, standing swiftly.

"The link will be stronger if he comes here," Mora replied, standing beside her. Janeway shook her head.

"Mora, the ship and my responsibility as her captain has caused this. If I am to convince him my decision is genuine and permanent, I must come to him on the ship. You understand?"

The alien smiled gently and bowed her head. She lifted an arm and gestured back toward the breakfast area. Kathryn slapped her comm badge as she led them back into the great hall, and the foyer serving as the transport site.

"Janeway to Voyager. I'm returning to the ship with the trade requests. Tuvok, please have Chakotay, Paris, and Torres meet us in the transporter room. I'll brief you all once I arrive."

Chakotay tugged his sleeve of his turtleneck down to peek out under his uniform jacket as he stepped into the transporter room. Tuvok, Paris, and Torres were already there. B'Elanna looked slightly startled at his appearance and opened her mouth to question it, but he shut her down with a hard stare. He knew he probably had splotches on his cheeks from his tears on the holodeck, but the captain had ordered his presence immediately. He'd barely had time to change out of gym shorts, and his hair was still damp.

Recalling the message he had received in what could only be called a telepathic link, he shivered slightly. I love you. The words had given him a measure of relief from the grief threatening him. But what did that mean? An acknowledgement was better than nothing, but he was still trying to come to grips with surviving without her physical touch. She had known how upset he was, so to order him to her side just now was either his saving grace or unbelievable cruelty on her part. He didn't have long to wait. The whine of the transporter deposited Kathryn Janeway on the platform, her cheeks showing tear tracks of their own. She smiled brightly at the group.

"Tuvok, B'Elanna, here's the list of requests and offerings from the Nahiran government. We can fulfill many of their requests and they have some astoundingly detailed star charts for us. See what we can come up with to help fill in the gaps in our supplies," she ordered, handing the PADD to Torres and stepping down off the transporter pad.

"Tom, I want you to start planning a party. I want to invite Ambassador Lyeth, his wife Mora, and their son Iazen to Voyager for a tour. Invite as many of the dignitaries as we are able to accommodate. They've been very good to us so far, and I want to return the favor with an event of our own. Pull Neelix in to help with the planning given our limited supplies. Dismissed."

Chakotay started for the door when a tug on his arm kept him from keeping pace with Paris and Torres. Kathryn had clasped his hand in hers to walk out into the corridor. He stared at their joined hands as they walked alongside the group toward the turbolifts.

"Tuvok," she said, gripping his hand tighter. "Chakotay and I have had quite an experience on the planet's surface."

"Indeed," the Vulcan replied.

"We both need some rest. Take the rest of the duty shift for us so we can retire to quarters for a while. I'm sure the Doctor is chomping at the bit to examine us, but he can wait a while."

He didn't miss the surprised look that passed between Tom and B'Elanna walking ahead of them. Kathryn never let go of his hand. He remained silent, trying not to read too much into the situation.

"Of course, Captain," Tuvok replied. "I shall ensure you receive adequate undisturbed rest."

They reached the turbolift at the end of the hall and all stepped on the turbolift together, the command team heading for deck three, Tuvok to the bridge, and the lieutenants for the mess hall.

"If you need anything, Lieutenants, be sure to contact Tuvok," Kathryn ordered, glancing shyly at Chakotay. "We will be unavailable for a while."

He swallowed the lump that had seemingly disabled his voice. Her behaviour was so different than it had been only a few hours earlier on the planet. But that didn't mean anything. She had done that many times before. He was still confused and wary. He refused to let his guard down just yet. Chakotay hadn't felt any deception coming from her and their link, only a calm presence in the back of his mind, but he refused to believe she had come about so quickly. Their relationship was constantly changing and morphing from friends, to best friends, to almost more and back again. He had trained himself to be ready for the moment when she shifted his feet out from under him. The turbolift slowed, and she stepped out onto deck three, tugging him along behind her. The doors closed on Tuvok and the slack jawed lieutenants.

"Kathryn?" he questioned as they continued to walk slowly toward their doors.

"Chakotay, I realize what I said this morning… well, it came out wrong. What I meant was I don't want a purple ivy tattoo on my neck," Kathryn replied, stopping in front of his door.

She glanced down at their still locked hands and ran the fingers of her other hand over his knuckles, slightly bruised from his vigorous boxing workout. She reached out and tapped in his door code before pulling him inside. He noticed the tremor in her voice as she continued, finally looking back into his eyes.

"However, if you are willing, I do want you. For as long as you'll have me," she whispered.

The breath rushed out of his body once again, his heart beat painfully against his ribs as he tried to calm his reaction to her words. It was all he had ever dreamed of hearing from her. But his mind was more cautious. Just this morning she had crushed him with her rejection. As much as he wanted this to be real, he knew he couldn't take it if she changed her position again on the relationship. It was all or nothing, right now.

"What changed?" he replied. "This morning you practically threw me out of your bed. Do you regret what happened? How it happened?"

"No," she shook her head in reply. "The only thing I regret was the way I responded this morning. Our night was perfect. I realized today that I could negotiate for our supplies and I still want to get home. All my fears fell apart. I realized that all this time, I've stopped myself from being happy. I didn't think I deserved to be happy. I've been holding on to guilt for so long, I didn't realize how it was affecting me. I didn't think I could still be the captain and be with someone. I didn't think I could keep my motivation if I fell in love. I'm starting to realize I don't have to be that person who is always standing alone. I am still the captain. But I can be Kathryn too. I can't promise not to be stubborn, or to try to backpedal at some point. We both know how I am. Promise me that you will remind me, even when we fight, that you love me."

His heart was soaring. Her resolve seemed genuine. He wondered again about the strange emotional connection between them, but he didn't question her sincerity again. He closed his eyes against the relief sweeping through him, but he wasn't sure if it was his relief or hers. His fingers released hers to settle on her waist and he pulled her closer to him.

"Do you want me?" Kathryn whispered, leaning close to him.

"Yes," he breathed. "Do we have to keep it quiet?"

She laughed as she wrapped her hands around his neck.

"Hardly. I've had your hand in mine since we left the transporter room. Tom Paris likely won't let that slip by. And you know he kept tabs on us on the planet. He always does."

He smiled gently, resting his forehead against hers and pressing her lightly into the bulkhead beside his door.

"Hmmm, you're right. It will be all over the ship by dinner time," he sighed as their breath mingled. "So should we ask the doctor to remove the ivy?"

Her smile seemed to light up the room. She pushed him gently back and led him into his bedroom, just as she had done the night before.

"Maybe in a little while… right now, I think I want to follow the path of the ivy again… Join me?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

The end.


End file.
